7 yrs NED

Hi everyone.

First, I owe everyone an apology. To all of those supporters who followed my blog reached out constantly kicking my tail feathers when I was down, asking how I was and just offering that shoulder of support when I was at my lowest... I'm so sorry.

I can only begin to imagine how hurtful it was when I stopped responding to your queries, and left you hanging in the wind.

Around the time of my last post I had lost someone very dear to me made through the connections on this blog and it did more than rock my world, it destroyed it.

Looking back I believe I suffered from survivor's guilt.

I got lucky. I was still here, relatively unscathed and that beautiful Warrior fought until the bitter end when her ravaged body finally gave out.

So I'm sorry and I'm not really sure why I decided to revive my old blog, except that last week I got the results from a regular pap smear and now my doctor wants to send me for another colposcopy...

After 7 years being NED I'm now showing abnormal cells again and he wants to send me to another specialist.

I'm terrified. I know the odds are with me as there are millions of reasons to have abnormal cells show up on a pap smear, but all of those millions of reasons mean nothing when all it takes is one chance to be cancer again.

So I'm back here venting, spilling my guts in a safe place so that I don't burden my family & friends until I have a definitive answer.

My SO knows, but I haven't confessed just how rattled I am. Although being my soul mate he likely knows. It's been a very long couple days, and will be longer yet as I don't have my appointment date yet.

I never stopped thinking of you all, but selfishly wanted to rip away any memory of what happened when I was cleared.

Love,

B

Laurie sent you a prayer.
Olga sent you a hug.
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You're always welcome among friends. Easy to say now, but don't worry about anything until after the tests are run- okay? Could be nothing, could be a quick easy fix, waiting to find out is torture, but we're behind you.
MGBY,
John
Bobbi likes this comment
HUGSSSS Bobbi! We all can share that sense of fear, and I'm glad you have come back here for some comfort. Stop talking about being selfish! You need to care for yourself so that you can be strong with those SOs in your life.

Every day is a gift, that's why we call it the present.
Bobbi, John like this comment
You're not the only one who feels that way. Honestly I think I'm here all these years because I joined AFTER I'd been NED for a year so I had no association with the blog and feeling awful. But now, I love the blog because I feel so close to the people here. The people here are wonderful. And so are you. Blessings on your tests.
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Vital Info

Posts

February 19, 2013

Canada T7E1J

April 24, 1976

Cancer Info

Cervical Cancer

adenocarcinoma

February 12, 2013

Stage 2

4.1 - 5.0 cm

No

the fear of the unknown, what could happen to my family if things go south

to never stop fighting, to accept help when offered, and to support others as it lifts your spirits too!

just kick my tail when I get too low, assist with my kids and their routine, be a friend and listener to my hubby

the help of using MRI vs CT with treatment, not detection.

Hugs, and a reminder life is what it is. a gift no matter how short...

Cross Cancer Institute of Edmonton

Eat what they tell you to, excercise when able, and breathe

Stay pissed off as anger helps to motivate you. When you accept and stop fighting, you stop... period.

May 16, 2013

abnormal bleeding between periods, after/during intercourse, pelvic pain, painful intercourse

5 chemotherapy sessions with cisplatin over 5 weeks

Stats

Posts: 27
Photos: 15
Events: 7
Supporters: 63
Friends: 76
Comments:
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