Survivor Guilt

The title is the only thing I can think of as to why I am so stricken with the news that my cancer has yet to come back after 18 months post treatment.

It doens't make sense why I feel the need to cry a lot, at nothing, or at everything. Or why I feel like the world has just slipped out from under my feet.

Maybe the holidays are scary, and yes they do bungle my nerves as per usual, but this last check up rattled me worse than when they said the had the Big C.

I am contacting a counsellor, and hope to straighten out whatever got kinked up.

I just wanted to drop a line to let you know that while I am not posting as often as I should, I am still reading and following you all on your journeys. I love you all, and pray for a Christmas miricle for each of you.

God Bless.

~ Bobbi

Laura For Michael, Bobbi like this post.
Laura For Michael threw a punch at your cancer.
3 people sent you a hug.
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Bobbi, I am glad you are getting some help. I think we all go through the "lows" of our roller-coaster recovery. Life is very capricious...the 29-year-old son of a neighbor killed in an accident this week, leaving behind his wife of one year, who is 5 months pregnant. And here I am. Is that right? I can only try to ensure that my life is a gift to someone and that I make a difference.

Big HUG!!!
Bobbi likes this comment
You will certainly have your ups and downs. That is normal. I still have my days 10 years later but they become less frequent. Sorry if you are sad but always remember, you are still here!!!!
Laura For Michael, Bobbi like this comment
Bobbi I completely understand. After 3 years I still get crazy when it comes time for my scans. I try to keep busy but this is such an assault on your life that its hard to shake it off. I am a very strong woman and this has kicked my butt . Cancer is not for the faint of heart as you well know. This is not easy and if you can get help I would do it because every day you have to live with anxiety it sucks. I take ativan still to sleep, and I take an ativan if my anxiety gets to high.. I sleep... I get into projects. I pray alot..I will be praying for you. Just know its normal to have anxiety.. I think its part of the journey to find your way.. and everyone is different..Val says "Don't go there till you get there" I like that one. ..take care my friend.. hugs and love and always prayers Sabina
Bobbi likes this comment
It doesn't get any better!

http://roncancerfree.blogforacure.com/weblog/2010/08/28/0001
Bobbi likes this comment
I am agreeing with the reassurance that these low points are quite normal. I am 4 years out and still have the occasional weepy day. Remember what you have been through is a major stress to your system and much like PTSD. Certainly getting that counselling will help. I consider myself a strong woman as well, but I have dealt with anxiety and depression too. Especially around scan times. Try to be good to yourself! None of that kicking yourself over why you should feel that way - if you feel sad, then feel sad. Then do something else for awhile. We all have ups and downs; get help if you need it.
Bobbi likes this comment
Hi Bobbi: Talking to a counselor is an excellent idea. In my case, I just walked down the path of no choice but to trust God and my oncologist during treatment. Treatment proved to work with a nice NED. It wasn't until about a year later that a type of PTSD hit me - I survived cancer - it was a challenge, but talking to your PCP doctor and a counselor helps your recognize all that you survived and the "new you" that's here. Why some of us are here and some aren't is beyond our human comprehension, but talking to someone is very helpful. May you continue to be NED, and your BFAC friends are always here to root for you.
May God Bless You,
John
Bobbi, Bobbi like this comment
So nice to see you post my friend. Always praying for you
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Vital Info

Posts

February 19, 2013

Canada T7E1J

April 24, 1976

Cancer Info

Cervical Cancer

adenocarcinoma

February 12, 2013

Stage 2

4.1 - 5.0 cm

No

the fear of the unknown, what could happen to my family if things go south

to never stop fighting, to accept help when offered, and to support others as it lifts your spirits too!

just kick my tail when I get too low, assist with my kids and their routine, be a friend and listener to my hubby

the help of using MRI vs CT with treatment, not detection.

Hugs, and a reminder life is what it is. a gift no matter how short...

Cross Cancer Institute of Edmonton

Eat what they tell you to, excercise when able, and breathe

Stay pissed off as anger helps to motivate you. When you accept and stop fighting, you stop... period.

May 16, 2013

abnormal bleeding between periods, after/during intercourse, pelvic pain, painful intercourse

5 chemotherapy sessions with cisplatin over 5 weeks

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